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Ontario Town
Music and Lyrics: Chuck Baker

Satan was a sexy bartender in Texas
Moving up to an Ontario town
So we practiced all our grinning the beard pulling and sinning
And dancing when no one was around

The fanfare was loud and from the back of the crowd
I knew that it was just a matter of time
Before he blew all of his cash, down at the track
Declared himself the couch boy and drank all my wine

Now Senator Billows and MPP Hambone are as happy as two pigs in shit
On the edge of their seats for the coming of this Christ
He'll be long gone before they even knew that he was it

His fur coat was shining, and y'all were freezing,
n' waving your arms and lining the road
The red-letter banner said that the number of the beast
Has a brand spankin' new area code

He came by the house unannounced yesterday
And he pitched me a deal, he said I couldn't refuse it
“Quick check the box for something better than this
Cause I have no time to chat, and you have less time to choose it”

He holds out his hat, but we're not sure if the action
Resembles a beg or a bow
As he left out of sight with our riches and rights
We all wonder where he'll go now

“Last but not least thanks to everyone else,
And to those I've forgotten you know who you are
Forgive my rambling acceptance and poor sentence construction
It's been quite a while since I've been to a bar”

He came by the house unannounced yesterday
And he pitched me a deal he said I couldn't refuse
“Quick check the box for something better than this,
Cause I have no time to chat, and you have less time to choose it”

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